Jim and Casper Go To Church

Well my idea of writing more often isn't panning out the way I'd hoped. I would however like to put an entry here about the book, Jim and Casper Go To Church. I picked it up from the library Wednesday and read cover to cover the same day. A really easy to read and sectioned book. I really appreciated Casper the Friendly Atheist's insights because they were coming from an "outsiders" POV. I really thought that if I could have gotten this book a few years ago that it would have helped me understand things maybe quicker. Jim, the pastor, I thought was a casual observer of Casper while Casper observed the church services. Interesting book idea but also an interesting, albeit for some risky, enterprise. I thought Jim's idea of sending church congregates out once a month to observe other church services, of the same and different denominations, was a good one. Really the only thing better than that would be to actually try to listen to those that don't go to church anywhere. Maybe do what Jim did and pay people to come to their church and fill out a survey. No strings attached. No whammy. Just fill out this survey, pick up your money. The only stipulation is you have to be thorough while filling out the survey. After all, you are being paid! That is the out-of-the-box thinking that needs to take place. There have been some strong critiques against this unlikely duo, but I guess you have to consider the source. All in all I really enjoyed this book. When I finished the book I felt like I wanted to have a round table discussion. This would make good church staff reading material.
The duo made statements like there may be another book. I hope there is one.

The Curious Blank

A quote from Spiral Staircase,
"I knew that a good nun must be ready to give up everything and count the world well lost for God. But what had happened to God? My life had been turned upside down, but God should still be the same...My heart and mind both seemed numb..., but God seemed to gone too. In the place that he had occupied in my mind there was now a curious blank.
"Or perhaps it was only now that I could admit to this God-shaped gap in my consciousness. One of the most painful failures of my convent life had been my inability to pray. Our whole existence had had God as its pivotal point. The silence of our days had been designed to enable us to listen to him. But he had never spoken to me."

A few short years ago, I would have thought this statement of the "curious blank" a sure sign of being "lost" (church code for someone who has not prayed a prayer and walked an aisle). It would have seemed to me that this person was merely confused and, according to the advice of a pastor to me during my early days of the Great Awakening,using the epistle of I John, simply did not know for certain of their salvation and therefore lost. I was told that if there was any doubts of my salvation, that it must be the Holy Spirit because the devil could not conjure up assurances of salvation.
Fast forward a few years. I now completely understand and have in fact experienced and am experiencing the "curious blank". I now see this more as a positive than a negative. I will admit, it is very difficult to resign to the fact that I may not have been right about a great many things, but one thing is for certain, it is a very humbling experience.
Honesty is good for the soul, so here goes, I can't recall a single time when God said anything to me....that felt good to say out loud (so to speak). I am not advocating the non-existence of God, in fact, I still believe in God. I am simply stating that he/she has not spoken to me. Sure its easy to use the words, "God said for me to do such and such" or something similar, when you are surrounded by a group of people who use these phrases constantly. Why? Because if you don't, and are the spiritual advisor to others, where are you getting your direction from? Yourself? Are you mad? Certainly you are pious enough to sit in constant vigil eagerly awaiting your next command. Is God really that interested in the color of carpet? If you should or should not pave the parking lot? When to have VBS?
To be truthful, I really do not believe that God is that interested in such trivial things. I do believe that God is interested in such things as love, honesty, and truthfulness. I believe that God cares a great deal about how I treat every person that I come into contact with. These things have, in my humble opinion, lasting effects. But who really knows for certain. Can anyone honestly say that they have been to the great beyond, chronicled their journey in both print and video, returned, and under heavy scrutiny, been proven that this experience has in fact taken place? Honestly, if someone would make the claim, I would think they were a few cards short of a deck.
Well, to each is own I guess. In the mean time, anyone up for a game of Mad Libs?

More on Spiral Staircase

I was very brief with my last post on Spiral Staircase, but now I would like to spend a couple of posts on some things that stood out for me.

This is a quote, "When I thought about the issue (leaving the convent), I found only a question mark where the old conviction should have been. I had experienced this time and again recently; it seemed as though I had discarded a good deal of my old religious self when I had taken off my habit. Beliefs and principles that I had taken so completely for granted that they seemed part of my very being now appeared strangely abstract and remote. In fact, I did not seem to think or feel anything very strongly anymore."

See what I mean? I could have written that very statement (minus the habit part) two years ago.
It seems to me that once you fight for a cause for a period of time and then don't, that something in your mind takes place. You really feel like a rug has been pulled out from under your feet, but unlike in the literal sense, there is no floor to land on. Where is the "common ground" of shared views? So far, I really don't think it exists. Can there be a place in time where we truly can all agree to disagree and get on with life? Why do we feel that when we close our eyes at night that we have to sleep in the sweet peace of...I'M RIGHT DAMMIT! I have come to the conclusion that I am mostly wrong. I guess there is peace in that also.
I really understand that last sentence of the quote. There is a "comfortable numbness" that takes place. Its like nothing replaces the old way of thinking and acting. It is a void of sorts but not a scary void, more like a quiet room in your mind were ideas are not coming and going. I guess if you don't do well in silence, this could be scary. I am growing very accustom to it.
Well, until next time...Where's the damn floor in this place?

Reading Update

Well as promised, I would like to finish my reading responses mentioned in the previous post.

The Secret Message of Jesus is a big let down for me. Maybe it is because of the place I am on my journey. A year or two ago, probably two, I would have enjoyed this a little more. For someone that is just starting on a "Great Awakening" journey, this will probably be more enlightening. I think that the premise of the book is OK, nothing really shocking or cutting edge for me.

As for the "Spiral Staircase", excellent book. A little long in some areas, but over all good memoir of a ex-nun. I continue to think that this is a book that you really feel like you know the author. Well written. Very conversational in feel. I will try to get other books of hers to read.

I have a couple of books on hold at the library. Richard Bach's, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah and Will Campbell's Convention. I will let you know how these read.

Starting Reading Again...

It's been awhile since I have read anything outside of entertaining fiction. But because I was missing some good spiritual scholorship. Here is what I am reading:
The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian McLaren. This is a book that at one time I was going to read, but put it off. A friend of mine, who mysteriously countinues to make an appearance sporatically in my life, suggested that I get the book and maybe we could start a conversation with other guys in the area in the same boat as I am in, using this book. I got it from my library and started reading it. I have made it half way through the book, and it is good, but almost predictable. I can certainly appreciate the journey and will finish the book, I just hope that the second half is more enlightening. I guess this would be a starting point to enter a conversation with others similar to myself. We'll see.
The Spiral Staircase, My Climb Out of Darkness by Karen Armstrong. Karen is an ex-nun and this is a partial memoir about her journey from being a nun to...being not a nun but still felling called to minister to the marginalized. The book is fasinating so far, I really feel a kinship with this person I have never met. It's very much like having coffee with someone that really understands what in the crap you are talking about. I love that. I will let you know how this all ends...