FAQ

I have been just reading blogs as of late and have had little to add to the cyber-conversation. Recently, I have been blogging about movies and not really about the spiritual things. Here is an update:
I have completely stopped going to church. I haven't been to any church service in a month. I really don't feel bad about it. I sort of feel...hollow? numb? emotionless? I don't know the reason. My wife is going to a church less than a mile from home with my two boys. She is not giving me any grief about it, but my boys are asking why they have to go and I'm not going. I really don't have an answer for them other than telling them that I am struggling with spiritual issues. I wish that I could change. I wish I could do something. If I have learned anything through this journey its this: When you live your life with a certain purpose based wholly on what a religion tells you is right and wrong and one day your whole life is radically changed (I still don't know what brought the change of heart on) and you no longer subscribe to those "rights and wrongs" of religiosity, there isn't much foundation left to rebuild on. It really feels like the rug has been pulled out from underneath my feet and I still haven't landed. Where do I go from here? Which end is up? How do I get off of this crazy ride? I sometimes wish that I would wake up and this whole journey would have been a dream/nightmare. I wish I could go back to feeling all warm and fuzzy on Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and all the other nights that the doors at church were open. Why can't I be satisfied like everybody else and sit in a pew and sing some songs and contribute financially and shake hands and smile and pray out loud and listen to sermons? Why!?! I still don't know.
I guess there really isn't any way to unknow something even though you don't know what started the unknowing.
Still in the woods....